Hope in??

2016 August canoeing Crescent LakeHope matters. Exactly, what are we hoping in?

Tomorrow, I will undergo labwork, lung CT, and PFT (pulmonary function testing) to see if there is progression with my ILD (interstial lung disease). I keep thinking about how hard the “unknowns” are with this HP (hypersensitivity pneumonitis). I can’t “see” my lung disease. I can feel the effects, but I can’t see what is actually going on. So, for me, those days of testing are days that let me “see” into my lungs. I have little control with this disease, but the information helps John & I take the next steps. So, looking on the positive side, the metrics help us to know what action needs to come next. Of course, I will readily admit that I am afraid of disappointment, but without the metrics we cannot possibly know what to do next. So, tomorrow I will do the testings and hopefully gain clarification. I won’t gain control. I only get more wisdom & clarification, so that I will be more informed in order to make good decisions. Being nervous is normal because it is hard to be without control. But, the up side is the information that helps us to know how to manage our care better. I am sorry this is so long, but fear is a such a hard topic, and I think a lot of anxiety is due to the lack of control. It is hard to not have control over one’s body.

2016 August Bridge over Devil's Punch Bowl, Crescent Lake

But, I have a greater HOPE…

“‘But if You can do anything, have compassion on us and help us.’
‘If You can?’ echoed Jesus. ‘All things are possible to him who believes!’
Immediately the boy’s father cried out, ‘I do believe; help my unbelief!'”
Jesus asks the father to trust him as the sole resource, to relinquish the desire for control. Jesus also asks for me to trust him as the sole resource, to relinquish the desire to control the outcomes, to surrender the very thing that distances me from His heart of love. He asks me to run into the arms of compassion! Interestingly, Jesus didn’t heal the guy’s kid until he dealt with the father’s heart. So, Jesus again, by His Spirit, has been graciously revealing my own heart to me. My heart has so softened. I marvel at how Jesus healed generously. Jesus healed many, many people. Many of those people didn’t love Jesus, but He healed them out of compassion. My own heart has been shown afresh the compassion of Christ, and I want to run hard into those arms of compassion. If Jesus would heal people who didn’t believe in him, didn’t love him, will he not show the same compassion and more for his pitiful child? He wants me to trust him as my only resource, my only hope, my only life. I can give him my fears. It is safe to trust him. I don’t have to know the outcome. I don’t have to “do it just perfect.” I just need to run into His arms.

2016 August Crescent Lake

So, once again, my wayward heart has been changed by his mercy. Tomorrow is a good day, because I trust Jesus to love me. This is my hope! Whatever the outcome, I trust the heart of Jesus, the plan of God for my life, and the wise Spirit of God to help me each step of this journey.  This indeed is a solid anchor my for my hope; and because the love of God has been generously poured into my heart, I have no fear.

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5 thoughts on “Hope in??

  1. I praise Him for what He is doing in your life and for your witness of Him. We pray for His peace, wisdom, grace and strength for you and John as you wait to see what the Lord’s will is for you. Have a blessed week.

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  2. Dear Sister… I feel your pain and anxiety. I also share in your hope. And I stand with you in taking a stand with Jesus and allowing Him to control the outcome for what is happening inside and outside of you. I too am suffering with troubled lungs. I have IPF, Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis since 2013 my lung capacity is now at 52% so I know a little about what you’re going through. So I can with the voice of experience assure you Jesus is intimately involved in what is happening to you. I will keep you, your family, and your medical professionals in my prayers.

    God Bless,
    Gary Piper
    http://www.gloryseeddevotionals.org

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    • Oh, Gary, this was an encouraging response. Thank you! I read your post from today, and it was very timely. I do understand more and more of abiding in His faithful love. But, what was so very, very encouraging to me were the Scriptures in Revelation 3 that you referenced. It is so humbling to read these verses, and then to know that the power to trust Him all things is by being IN HIM. My life is being watched over with sovereign kindness and perfect wisdom, and yours, too. I am sorry to hear of your IPF. It is a hard disease. I am still in the process of being diagnosed, although right now the Dr. would call it hypersensitivity pneumonitis. I learned of this back on my birthday on November…it wasn’t the birthday present I was expecting. However, my Father is working so much in me, and I am knowing Him more and more, loving Him more and more, and trusting Him more and more. THAT is the true gift! I haven’t heard from the doctor yet today, but my TLC was 68% today and my DLCO was 55%. Both were a little improved from my March PFT! That is all I know for now, the doctor was at the hospital so I will have to wait to hear back from him. Thank you for your prayers. I have quietly followed your blog and pray for you when I read your posts. Thanks for stopping by! Sheila

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