Where is My Heart Home?

10437336_886594004696690_560646586782056199_nI have been thinking a lot about “home” lately.  If the hypersensitivity pneumonitis (HP) which I have been diagnosed with does not go into remission, my pulmonologist believes that it would be wise for my husband and I to move from Oregon where everything stays wet and creates a prime habitat for my HP triggers to grow (aspergillus and aureobasidium pullulans.)  I was surprised at how sad his medical advice made me.  Of course, I don’t want to move away from my sons who currently attend college here.  But, I also don’t want to leave my beautiful new home or my beloved church family, either. My husband has worked for a biomedical company for twenty years, and it has been a good fit for him; so, moving would mean starting over with a new company. Only a few years from retirement, this doesn’t really sound like fun.  I realized, though, that “home” to me actually represented relationships, security, and easy comfort.  My heart is being tested to see if I will trust my good Father God to orchestrate my life with perfect wisdom and then to  happily rest in His faithful goodness come what may.  I am thankful that God has renewed my heart making it ready to release these lower loves if asked.  My eyes are fixed on Jesus and my desire is to steadfastly love Jesus more than all other lower loves, even the ones that are considered worthy ones.

Jesus is the joy of my heart’s desiring; and the more I know Him,  the quieter my heart becomes in His sweet love — He is my “heart home.”

“Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.” – Corrie ten Boom

“You will never know the fullness of Christ until you know the emptiness of everything but Christ.” – Spurgeon

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All Things: From,Through, and For Him

God was wisely sovereign when I heard the words on my birthday, “Your chest x-ray is abnormal.”  I had already been struggling with debilitating vision.  Now, I was being told that my lungs were being damaged by an overactive immune system which was attacking this much needed organ for breathing.  Over the last three years I have been struggling with unexpected and weird, even rare, health issues.   And, yet, I am being cared for with a sovereign wisdom that is perfect.  I don’t have to understand the why or know what will happen next; I just need to know my God, for then I will most happily trust and rest in His active care.

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God’s ways are inscrutable, because, honestly, I cannot even come close to knowing what the right questions should be to ask. God surveys all time in one gaze. He knows and sees everything, all at once, all the time. I can’t even begin to go there. I remember some of my past. For, today, well, I am here in the moment. And I have no ability to tell you what is going to happen next, because I frankly don’t know; and even what I suspect might happen doesn’t necessarily mean it will. Not so with God. He is beyond time. He is present in all time. And He controls the minutiae of every day in the universe as well as the invisible world beyond that which we can perceive. There is so much I just don’t know! How can I even begin to control what I can’t understand?


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Not only is God wisely sovereign over everything, but He is also dedicated to completing His work in me; so that I am made able to finish the works that He Himself ordained for me to do (Philippians 1:6).  I am confident that I will not have one unfinished task, because of His divine promises to me, His faithful love over me and His power to accomplish what He says He will do. God is able and trustworthy, so I am assured that He will complete everything concerning me.  When I actively believe these truths about my God, it makes me happy and at peace in and with my God, even smack dab in the middle of difficult days.  God always acts in a way that is beautiful and above reproach, and He is laying up His goodness for those who trust in Him.  “Oh, how abundant is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you and worked for those who take refuge in you, in the sight of the children of mankind!” (Psalm 31:19).   The apostle Paul writes to the Christians in Thessalonica sharing how he prays for them, “…that by His power He may bring to fruition your every desire for goodness and your every deed prompted by faith.” Paul writes in another letter, “What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?  He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?”  So, if God is for me, then I am being held by the safest, strongest, and most worthy hands.


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Who I am and whatever I possess originates with God.  I didn’t create me.  I didn’t decide when I wanted to be born, or where, or into which family.  I have absolutely nothing to do with my existence.  Which is kind of crazy to wrap your mind around, because when things go wrong in our lives it is common to feel that you deserve a bit better in your life.  But, I don’t even exist on my own.  The breath in my lungs doesn’t originate inside of me.  God is generously giving you and me every breath.  It is all from God.  So, when I think about the good life plans ordained for me by God, and more specifically the tasks He has ordained for me to do, I must consider that none of which I was created do comes from me.  Everything comes from God.  It always starts and ends with God.  Even when I do the things I was designed by God to do, I am only giving back to Him what belongs to Him anyway.  God is not any richer by my giving to Him.  God is not needing anything that I can do for Him.  It is similar to a child giving a birthday present to their parent which they purchased with their parent’s money!  My behavior and good gifts will never put God into my debt; everything always comes from Him!  All glory, honor and power belongs to Him.  

Doxology

Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God!
    How unsearchable his judgments,
    and his paths beyond tracing out!
“Who has known the mind of the Lord?
    Or who has been his counselor?”
“Who has ever given to God,
    that God should repay them?”
For from him and through him and for him are all things.
    To him be the glory forever! Amen.

Romans 11:33-36

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(All images used are believed to be in the public domain.)

No Delay for Help

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What is a “right” that belongs to you?  What comes to mind?  We joke and jab, “Oh, you just feel like you’re so entitled.”  In particular, I think Americans seem to have a general belief that as individuals we have a claim on certain “rights.” I don’t whole-heartedly believe this myself, but this attitude permeates our culture subtly affecting our personal views. Interestingly, I have observed that it irks us when someone uses a benefit they did not earn or have a right to access.  Then there is the millineum generation who recoils at the frequent accusations against them for having an attitude that one is inherently deserving of privileges. Sometimes, we feel entitled to a benefit because we believe we have rightly earned it. Either way, we grapple with how to claim our expected advantage.  The need to claim a benefit reveals a dependence on the other party.  The rights of entitlement necessitates a relationship between two parties exists where there is an expectation that when necessary one has the right to ask for help.
maxresdefault (2)This idea of entitlement came to mind as I read the Psalms this morning.  In Psalm 70, David is very urgent in his requests before God, to the point it almost sounds demanding, “God, deliver me.  Hurry to help me, LORD! …I am afflicted and needy; hurry to me God.  You are my help and my deliverer; LORD, do not delay.”  David insistently asks for God to help him.  In his relationship with God, the Psalmist believes he has a right to speak to Him in this way.  How does he know that it is okay to be that aggressive in his prayers?

garden-of-the-gods_f_mobiThe very next Psalm gives an insight into the writer’s thoughts, “In you, O LORD, do I take refuge; let me never be put to shame!  In your righteousness deliver me and rescue me; incline your ear to me, and save me!  Be to me a rock of refuge, to which I may continually come; you have given the command to save me, for you are my rock and my fortress.”  Here, the Psalmist reveals his foundations for coming so boldly in prayer.  He argues, “I have a relationship with you that involves covenantal promises.  You agreed to save me.  You agreed to be my protection.  Because of your word and promise to me, I have the right to come and ask for the benefit of your help.  Not only that, you initiated relationship with me, and I have put all my trust in you. I know you are righteous and will only do good, so I know you will do good toward me.  You have the power to change my situation, so I am asking you to advocate for me.  I want to you to be my safe place continually.”  The Psalmist takes a stance of sweet assurance based on his covenantal relationship with God.  He is not in alliance with another god to be his resource; it is to His own God, a very personal God, that he turns to for help.

542924312_fd0f3c488fEarlier today, with crumpled blankets pulled to my chin, I snuggled in the quiet dark of the morning not wanting to face another hard day.  My husband laid close beside me, his hand holding mine.  He listened patiently as I shared the struggles of living with a chronic disease.  I did not call up my friend’s husband to pour out my heart to; or turn to any other man, but my own (this suggestion sounds ridiculous, I know.)  My point is that I did not feel that it was inappropriate to talk like this to my husband, exactly because he is my husband.  I am in heart union with this guy.  Years ago, we made solemn vows to each other, to be there for one another, no matter what.  The marital promises were strict and binding “…till death do us part.”  Now, I was laying claim to those promises without any shame.  It did not seem weird to me to be talking about the ugly bits of life, like trying to get up each morning when I really don’t feel well.  I am entitled to that privilege based on my relationship to my husband and the promises we made to each other.  Best of all, I know he loves me, no matter what.

In the same way, the Psalmist does not feel weird to go to God with his desperate cries for attention. 147023388e45710f85848a48ec302727 God had made a promise to help him.  God has a heart of tender love toward his needy child.  God is good and will do good.  The LORD God is powerful and has the ability to bless and benefit those who belong to him, and this is on a daily basis! God’s faithfulness to all of his promises prompts intense prayers of reliance, and his love assures the heart in hope for He truly cares.  Come.  Come again and again.  God has given the command to save, and his righteous help will never disappoint.
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So, today, I will go to my God,
who is faithful, good, powerful and true,
and ask for His righteous help,
because I know His everlasting love to me,
because I trust His never failing promises.